Lawyers on Sterno

Sterno found in  the little cans of stuff that you set on fire under chaffing dishes to keep them warm at Christmas and other parties. It  is a solid waxy material that burns very hotly with a bright blue flame. It is  largely made of ethanol (the stuff they put in gasoline) with just a touch of methyl alcohol added to give it the proper deadly tang. I noticed again a few days ago that cans of  Sterno which are used by pulling the removable metal  top off and setting the Sterno mixture inside on fire  carry the warning, “DO NOT USE NEAR FIRE OR FLAME”  Which begs the question so what should you do with a can of Sterno?

I have heard that some people liquefy it and drink it for a cheap high but the methyl alcohol in it  will eventually lead to blindness or death which of course would solve the problem of having to wonder what to do with it because you would no longer be able to read the Do Not use Near Fire or Flame Warning.

Sterno is also sold under the moniker, “Canned Heat,” which brings to mind the uncomfortable images of a police officer being stuffed into that little can only later be set on fire to warm someones Pasta Primavera .

Truly the lawyer who in a fit of hyper-liability consciousness or possibly and even more frighteningly after a successful law suit over this issue,  directed that this warning be placed on the can  probably couldn’t carry one in his briefcase to court as an exhibit because if he or she did, it might be too ” Near” the fires of Hell.


About safrisri

I was a school teacher until retirement. I have taught at all educational levels from pre-school to college. My college degree is general science which I arrived at after 5 years and 5 different majors. A degree as it turns out, almost as valuable and in demand as one in Neo-Bulgarian Mythology. I have been around education for around 40 years and can remember when teaching was a pleasant, happy and creative job and our schools were the same. Now I'm the guy sitting on the porch with an opinion on everything.
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