A Canyon City Utah school board has apparently overridden the student choice of “Cougars” for the new high school mascot saying they did it because the term was offensive to women. They summarily replaced the student choice, selected by a student body election, with “Chargers” but nobody on the board seemed to be concerned about offending or demeaning people with too much credit card debt, working in the battery department at Sears Automotive or horse people who don’t like their nobel steeds compared to high school students.
It started me wondering what other team names might be offensive and whom they would offend. Let’s take a look at the Big 10 Conference which now has 12 teams and the Big 12 Conference which now has 10 teams so in the spirit of the rest of this just, ” go figure.”
The Baylor “Bears” could be offensive and insensitive to nudists, grizzlies, people on sinking boats, stock brokers and the Berenstain’s
The nickname Oklahoma “Sooners” might offend people who were constantly late and might cause emotional distress because it could be confused with “mooners” and Nooners.
Iowa State “Cyclones” could be offensive or demeaning to those living in hurricane alley, cloned animals or sad clowns
Iowa “Hawkeyes” could be callous and offensive to near-sighted people, sales people and certainly all birds of prey
Michigan State “Spartans” no doubt would be offensive to Greeks, surviving members of the other city states and could be easily confused with the sexually charged Trojans
Texas “Longhorns” might be characterized as a put down to piccolo players, cattle ranchers and demeaning to polled Herefords
Missouri “Tigers” could be offensive to wives, golfers, garage sale purveyors, and people who label pictures on Facebook
The Purdue “Boilermakers” nickname could be pejorative to factory workers or bartenders and certainly would offend Staphylococcus aureus. the bacteria that causes “boils.”
Indiana “Hoosiers” might offend immigrants, swindlers, white trash or “hicks”( look it up) but most importantly offends people who can’t remember their children’s names
Michigan “Wolverines” might be offensive to mutants and is certainly unfeeling to the sensitivities of helpless little bunnies everywhere
Minnesota “Gophers” would offend gaffers, golfers, goofers, and all living members of the Geomyiday and all Cratageomys because nobody wants a gopher in their “pocket.”
Kansas State “Wildcats” is probably just as offensive as Cougars and might be offensive to the cougars themselves.
Kansas “JayHawks” is offensive to pet stores and chicken ranchers everywhere, certainly demeans surviving abolitionists, and given their recent record in football is offensive to pillagers and raiders everywhere.
Wisconsin ” Badgers” might be offensive and demeaning to people bothered by bill collectors or long-suffering husbands
Penn State “Lions” might be offensive to serial liars….. take this wherever you want
Oklahoma State “Cowboys”would be offensive to Cowgirls, cows, and certainly boys. Can you picture a “cow”, “boy” in your mind..not to mention a cowgirl
Texas Christian “Horned Frogs”… nuf said besides too many possibilities to report here
West Virginia Mountaineers could be offensive to people with large ears Might want to work on Virginia as well
All of the above are pure supposition but there is one thing I do know for sure as an Iowan I know that the
Nebraska “Corn Huskers” do and does offend Iowans
Soon all team mascot names will be just initials, names of internal organs, in Latin or pronouns. The Kansas Kidneys or Penn State P.U’s or Iowa “I”s just have that certain memorable ring to them and who could forget a name like the Iowa State Illegitimi.